Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Partner in Success

Day 31 of 365 Tiny Changes

I woke up Sunday morning, alone in the bed.  Usually, I’m the first one up and going, on Sunday mornings.  I wander downstairs for my morning cup of tea and I find Guy asleep on the couch.  Sound asleep.

I make my tea and take it back upstairs, where I can enjoy the quiet, and read for a while.  Eventually, Guy finds his way upstairs.

His first comment, “I don’t want you to die.”  Huh?

During the night I scared him.  Really scared him!  I have sleep apnea.  I snore loud enough that the neighbors, two doors down, can hear me, and I go for short periods with out breathing.  My loud snoring woke him up, and my non-breathing freaked him out.  I have one of those machines, but never use it.  I find it gives me a claustrophobia and a tied down feeling.

As we were chatting about it, I told him that studies have showed that people with extra weight seem to have more issues with sleep apnea.  This statement seemed to flip the switch.

Up to this point, Guy has not been very involved with my Tiny Changes.  As long as he didn’t have to get involved, I could make any Tiny Change I wanted, on my own.  Suddenly, he sees the benefit and wants to help.

He is convinced, I’m going to die and leave him in the middle of the chaos we have going in our life.  To be honest, we haven’t taken the proper steps to protect ourselves in the case of a death of either of us.  This is on my to do list.  I figure, I’ll get to it in time.  Guy doesn’t. 

His words, “I’ll do what ever it takes, just don’t die on me.”  Fear is an excellent motivator, even when it is self inflicted, and has no basis in reality.

The unfortunate side affect, is that he has become extremely clingy, since Sunday morning.  I hate being the clingee.  The clingor always has some reason to think I’ll get away, so they want to know what I’m doing every minute.  Hell, I don’t even know what I’m going to be doing from minute to minute.  Why would I want someone else to know?  I need space and breathing room, to be able to move freely and accomplish what ever it is, I need to get done.  I don’t need some one following me around and asking how I’m doing, all day long.

I have to admit that I have always been a better one-man-show, than a team player.  Team playing takes too much time, just talking to explain myself, and listening to understand the other points of view, and then compromising on a strategy, before any work can be done.  Sometimes this step takes longer than the project, itself.  I’d rather just do it myself.  It may take just as long, or even longer, than if a team did it, but I’m a whole lot less frustrated in the end.

So now I have a partner in my year long mission. 

Guy and I have been together for 12 years, now.  During that time, we have kind of gotten into a routine for living our lives.  We’ve split the chores, based mostly on, which chore we mind doing the least. 

We have some overlapping interests, but we also have differing interests that we do on our own.  I’ve always thought it important that we stay true to who we are individually, as well as in a relationship.  Sometimes this is easier said than done.

We manage to stay in the same chapter, not necessarily on the same page.  We are fairly watchful, and when one of us feels a little too far behind, we check in with each other to get caught up.  Some days we spend hours, just talking.  Other days, we, comfortably, hardly speak at all. 

So, now that I have a partner, I have to think a little differently.  It’s no longer, just deciding what Tiny Change I need to make.  It’s also, deciding how he can be helpful with the change.  Pooh!  I can’t wing it anymore.  I have to think the change through completely.  To be truthful, some days, I write the blog first and decide what change I want to make based on the content I come up with.  No more of that.  Well, maybe more of that, I just have to think it through a lot more. 

OK, so you’ve got to see this one coming...

Tiny Change 31:  Explain each change to Guy, and discuss how he can help them come to fruition.

How have you handled a surprise helper?

Best Regards,


Tiny Blessing for the Day:  I am Blessed to have a partner like Guy, who is willing to help me live my life to its fullest.

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